Barbara S. McRae 
Certified Mediator, Registered LDA 11-001

MEDIATION

Ten Reasons To Consider A Divorce Mediator

1. It costs less.

When both spouses meet with one Divorce Mediator they can share the cost, which is commonly as little as $800 total. If the spouses were to retain separate attorneys to represent them in the divorce, each would be paying a retainer of  about $2500 (about 5 hours of their time) just to get started.  Watch the movie on Netflix "Divorce Corp" to get an idea of the costs.

 

2. You have control.

In Divorce Mediation the couple controls how quickly or slowly decisions are made, when the divorce Petition is filed, and what the terms of the divorce will be in the Marital Settlement Agreement. Each step is by agreement, in contrast to the adversarial process in which attorneys set court dates and judges make decisions with very limited time and information.

 

3. Paperwork done for you.

Many people try to do their own divorces these days, but run into difficulty trying to understand the laws and the complex paperwork involved. A mediator who is a Paralegal aka Legal Document Assistant can prepare all of the paperwork for parties representing themselves.

 

4. Easier on the children.

The worst aspect of a divorce for children is the conflict between the parents. It will be traumatic enough for them, but they can heal knowing that their parents are working together to make adult decisions and will not put them in the middle.

 

5. Easier on you.

The way your marriage ends will significantly impact the way you approach your future relationships. When you use a mediator to help both of you communicate and make important decisions, it can be easier to move forward and accept the past, rather than turning hurt and anger into an expensive court battle.

 

6. You can still go to court.

When people use divorce mediation, they do not give up their right to go to court. If you are not satisfied in mediation, you can stop at any time, retain a separate attorney and have the judge decide the issues. What has occurred in mediation will remain confidential, so the parties can start fresh.

 

7. You get legal information.

Each spouse is also encouraged to consult with a separate attorney for legal advice, especially before signing the Marital Settlement Agreement.

 

8. Emotions can be managed.

Many people simply want to be heard and understood in the divorce process. However, on their own this can get out of control, as each person triggers anger and resentment in the other -- often unintentionally. A mediator trained in counseling can assist the parties in acknowledging feelings but not allowing feelings to control the decision-making process.

 

9. It's confidential.

In private divorce mediation, all discussions and tentative agreements are confidential. This makes it safe to propose solutions for possible consideration without having them all thought out. This can lead to new solutions neither party had previously considered.

 

10. It builds on the positive.

In mediation, both parties are encouraged to recognize the positive in the other person and to find common ground for agreement. In court, each side must emphasize the negative about the other person in order to "win" against the other. Especially when there will be future contact between the parties, such as in parenting, whatever goodwill remains between the parties should be preserved and not destroyed.

 

Picking a Divorce Mediator

Divorce Mediators are not yet licensed in California. However, it is recommended that a Divorce Mediator be knowledgeable and experienced about the family law and mediation process. A few mediators possess these skills and can be effective.

In picking a divorce mediator, ask if they are certified and how many mediations that person has done in the past.  Many people are just adding the title mediation without true training and education. A Mediator with American Arbitration Association Certification  must have extensive training and testing.

While mediation isn't the only alternative to an ugly divorce experience, it is one to seriously consider. Make a list of pros and cons for your specific situation, and weigh the facts for yourself. The 10-15 minutes you spend considering a divorce mediator could well be worth the effort!

 

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